Site Meter November, 2011 | Blake Alexander Hammerton

Hard Truth: You Have to Be The One to Let it Go

On November 29, 2011, in Coaching, Everyday Life, by Blake Alexander Hammerton

Over the past few days, I’ve had some pretty powerful conversations about what it means to let things go – what it means to “unplug” from the story, other person, situation, outcome etc. It’s not easy to do. That goes without saying, really. More importantly, however, is the fact that the entire situation is in your hands. There’s a hard truth here, and it’s a good one to take in.

Resentment is a poison you take, hoping the other person will die. ~ Malachy McCort

We, as humans, all play parts in this big play called life. We sometimes play the hero, sometimes the villain, and sometimes the victim. When we find ourselves in a place we don’t like, and all our effort to change it (with force or otherwise) is met with another’s opposition, we jump into victim. We blame, criticize, lash out, and shut down.

Have you ever been in a relationship that was so toxic you starting wishing he or she would take a long walk off a short pier? You know, the one where it feels like no matter what you do this person just knows how to push those buttons and make your head explode? Yeah, you’re pretty plugged into it, aren’t you?

People may have told you that the reason he/she has such an effect on you is because you “plug in” and feed energy to their cause. When you react, it gives that person something to continue to manipulate and enflame.

Feels like beating a dead horse, right?

Wrong.

Nobody beats a dead horse. They beat that which is still kicking and screaming. When you react and start kicking and screaming, they receive immediate assurance that this issue is still going, and they continue with the button-pushing-bonanza.

Let’s switch gears, shall we? The dead horse analogy feels a little dark.

What about working toward something that just doesn’t seem to happen – sound familiar? Take a look at your life and see if there are any parts that feel like no matter what you do, it’s just not moving forward. If so, check in and see if you’re working with or against the tide of your life. Are you holding onto an outcome so tightly that you’re blind to all other possibilities?

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our assumptions (read: stories) about what’s going to happen, that we miss what is actually happening! Some of us spend our whole lives in the “shoulds” that we never make it to the clearing to find our way home.

So here’s the Hard Truth:

You – not anyone else – have to let it go. 

The moment you unplug from that which manipulates your energy negatively, you are free to breathe life into that which fulfills you. So often we have this idea of what we should and should not be able to have, do, and/or be, and when someone challenges that (read: pushes our buttons negatively), we plug in and start reacting defensively. Should that person continue to “not let it go” we can find ourselves fighting with two entities: our doubt (maybe he/she is right) and the other person, himself.

There are two things you can do right now to help get yourself moving forward, and away from this painful cycle. The first is forgiveness. This is one of the most powerful tools on the planet for creating greatness in your life. When this person or situation is pulling you away from your fulfillment, causing you to react and plug into their cause, take a deep breath and realize this is never going to change. You don’t have to convince the world or another person of the validity of your opinion or life – and they do not have to convince you of their own. Forgive them for any pain they’ve caused you, and let them be. Take a deep breath and unplug from it.

The second thing to do is give yourself permission to perform without approval.

Wait, what did he just say?!?!?

Exactly. You may not consciously know it, but often the reason you argue your point so voraciously with the same person or people is that you feel it isn’t good enough – you’re not good enough – until they are convinced and give you their approval. Stop that. When you put your success in the hands of those that influence your energy negatively, you bury yourself in their land – their negative perspective, their projection, their weight is now pushing, squeezing, smothering the action and ideas you want to embrace.

So, for the next week, let your assumptions go. Let your resentment go. Let your need for approval go.

Give yourself permission to let it all go. Hold onto that which fulfills you and makes you feel alive and connected!

It’s hard, no question. Start now anyway. In a year from now, you’ll wish you started today.

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The Truth About The Best Day of Your Life

On November 2, 2011, in Coaching, Everyday Life, by Blake Alexander Hammerton

The Best Day of Your Life is When You Decide it's YOUR Life

Today’s post is a bit of a smack in the face. Well, it might come off as such, so why argue with it, right? I’ve spent the last few weeks watching my clients make incredible leaps of faith – pushing aside the person they’ve spent their lives creating to make room for the one they are becoming. They’re waking up to life, and they’re consciously creating. They are responsible. They are powerful. They are human.

I’ve also spent the last few weeks being inundated with the trials and tribulations of what it is to be the victim. There is a sense of entitlement in the world, and it’s not doing anyone any good. “Oh poor me” isn’t getting you anywhere, and frankly, it’s bullshit.

I hear people talk about how they can’t get what they want because they don’t have A or B or C. They don’t have what it takes because someone took away their X or Y or Z a long time ago. Or worse, they can’t make the changes they want because the economy is bad.

You mean to tell me you can’t change your attitude, create goals and actions plans, or get your ass in gear toward the life you want because the economy is bad?

Bullshit.

I asked a friend of mine to describe what the best day of his life looked like. He told me the best day was the one in which he wouldn’t have to work a job he didn’t like. He described a day filled with people being nice to him, and everything he wanted being delivered to him on a silver platter. It sounds nice, right?

The detail often missed in stories like these is in the narrative. Is the subject describing a day in which he goes and gets what he wants, makes executive decisions, takes control, or do great things happen to him?

Here’s the hard truth:

The best day of your life is when you wake up to it and claim it as your own. It’s the day when you take responsibility and choose to stop apologizing, blaming, or being the victim any longer. It’s not good things happening to you – it’s you deciding it’s your life, and God-damn-it you’re going to make good things happen.

Everyone, every moment of every day, is at choice. They (yeah, you included) can either decide to be a leaf in the wind, or the wind itself. Benjamin Disraeli wrote:

“Man is not the creature of circumstance. Circumstance is the creature of man. We are all free agents, and man is more powerful than matter.”

You have a decision to make. Stop the bullshit story and start the story of your life…or don’t.

The greatest day of your life? That’s easy. It’s the day you decide to start living.

 

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